Christianity..

"Did you know when people talk of Christianity as a world religion they are quite wrong? A religion is a system and Jesus left no system."

Reinhard Bonnke

shud i ...shud i not?

Gosh..I can't make up my mind. A part of me is dying to go home (back to indonesia) and a part of me says my schedule can't fit any good time. The fact is, one week is never enuf to be at home besides, the last time i checked, i probably have less than a week. Now, how??

To be frank, I've made up my mind, that I'm not going home..but but..as time passed, my heart...protested!

So, heart or mind wins?

Let's apply some pro-con thing.... urrghh.. too boring let's just reason out and see whether it makes sense...or make more sense

1. Going back home
Reasons:
- I can eat a lot of pork and meat and beef and more meat.
- I get to spend time with bradar and sista who definitely miss me so much for not seeing me like gazillion years now...plus bradar need some good lecture on 'how to be a real man growing up instead of staring in the mirror for two hours and strumming imaginary guitar acting like Jonas brothers background singer...*yeah im the meanest sista he has ever have*
- I get to see Ahu...my one and only granny who is missing me everyday now..im sure :)
- I get to ....again eat more healthier stuffs, those that i can't cook myself here
- I get to meet with my fattened cousins who had grown sideways faster than he had grown taller...but still adorabel..
- I get to...*thinking hard *..erm now let's get to the other one first.. Pause mode : ON




2. Staying in Singapore
Reasons:
- Save that few hundred dollars on air ticket which might not worth less than a week trip
- Nothing else.



Ok...hope this convince me. :)

It feels like a slow mundane air that breeds searchful hearts. Even as the sky painted solid blue and white in justice of a perceptive imagination. For what the world offers isn't enough to reach that disparage chasm in between. And i look outside to find an answer as a remedy to soothe the pain.the longing. the emptiness. You..the epitome of my obsession.

Because the rest simply fall short.

Human wisdom

Just the mention of the word God, could trigger tonnes of questions within me. Questions that raise my guard and pushed faith a step back... a few steps back. I would ponder on them day by day... before they slipped away, forgotten.

Yet soon, they'll creeped in again.. through my mental door of mind; silently, knocking in persistence. They are like an endless road. Like an unquenched thirst for explanations that my mind can never satisfy. I did not refuse them. Never. I did not condemn such act. No. I celebrate it, I applaud searchful mind that doesn't conform or be satisfied with mere information that church leaders opt to share.


Yet, as the song goes:
There's NO WAY i can compare You with what I know
There's NO WAY i can compare You with what I feel



"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom."

Isa40:28

There are times when I feel like slipping in beneath my thick blanket, to just lie under the warmth and let the world passes me by. Like a coccoon protection that covers the embodiments for a period of time..yes just for a short while; those moments of escapism from all human contacts and touch. A form of indulgence that i know is never the right choice, because i know, when i yearn for moments like this, something isn't quite right. But like a smoker that understands the nature of its 'condiments', I long for such moments despite being aware of the consequences.

It is time like this that knocks silently when there's so much negativity standing beside me. By that i mean, my personal comprehension of negativity, and most of the time it is when my period comes (now blame it on the moon, woman!). Or maybe it isn't just about what i feel but people's action truly came up beyond my expectation.

I learnt early in life that the boundary of respect should never be breached by the concept of familiarity and i felt some people hadn't learnt that, hadn't acted that way, and hadn't talked as they had understood that principle. It is troubling because I'm not a vocal person that could blatantly speak what i feel right to somebody's face. I would rather swallow them down my stomach than letting them out through my dry throat and experienced those agonizing moments of ...awkwardness. That's how Asian I am.

But, having said that, tomorrow is a new day and ...none of this feeling would have mattered anymore. And guess what, my period would have stopped too.

Probably...

I love the word 'probably', because it gives me chances and chances of making sentences that have multiple claims and so, the privilege of blaming not one but many causes.

-- citra anita

Knowledge..

They say knowledge is power.
I don't think so, now.
It is only a potential power; unless that knowledge is utilized, it shall remain as a dormant seed.

My confession letter

Definition of aigoo aigoo aigoo = aiyoo aiyoo aiyoo (my literal interpretation)

My dearest,

Please remember me in your prayer. I've been smitten and is now sick. Sick of love...for my heart was stolen by the charming soo ji seob. Do google him and you'll soon find out he is the handsome actor in the korean movie Cain and Abel. I watched him on youtube and my eyes, i can't take them off him.

Sistas, please do remember me in ur prayer, that I will grow out of this. For my heart sickens everytime I remember my charming prince knows not of my existence. But if you will, believe, I may well one day meet him and as others bear witness, perhaps I am that rib taken from his body; his fate, his lover, his destiny. And if you will, my dearest sistas, believe, for he is not a normal Korean actor that i will overlook and give not my attention. For he, he is a fighter, that shares story so inspiring that like Rain. He is my fighter, my true love.

Oh sistas, please do remember me in your prayer, that I can forget him. For my soul is in anguish thinking about my love, who never comes. My dear lover from afar.

aigoo aigoo aigoo.....

oh is this what love feels like?

aigoo aigoo aigoo..

Help me to make my mind up sistas, for love has cast its spell on me.... and i can't think..i can barely trust my own feeling.

No my dear sista, our love cast no boundary on mere human words...and that would mean i will pick Korean up if my other flesh and blood shall not understand this english of mine...

aigoo aigoo aigoo...

But sista, forget not that he is a fighter, and he will understand this form of words for our sake....For our love sake...

ooh soo ji seob... sarang he

hahhahahah...he's soo hot la for real :)
sorry for such lovey dovey post but i can't stop giggling while typing this and perhaps, u might too.