A memoir...

The sunday afternoon mood has never changed in Sheares Hall. It has always been gloomy and quiet (**which is a good thing**) all day long. But today, it's not just gloomy and quiet, it's stuffy....stuffy here in my heart.

My exams are coming so soon and my heart skipped a bit everytime i reminisce about them. This whole Singapore-education system has finally gotten to my nerve and i just felt like screamingggggg out loud.. gosh..if ever i have a choice, i would runnnn away and dig my head into the soil like an ostrich and never want to mug anymore.

I was looking at the definition of a workaholic = the state where one feels guilty about enjoying oneself for a while rather than doing work, and concludes i am already in that category.

But, that afternoon, my eyes were caught to take a closer look at my pinky lil ipod shuffle, there was an inscription read 'petite ipik on getting into NUS', which then led me to clumsily look for the golden envelope which had been hiding in my drawer for a year; a letter from my sis.

The sillyness of her wordings simply brought me to laugh out so loud..and it made it harder to start reading the inner pages. All the kind words sounded so audio-like as though she was just there talking to me, then i realized how much ive missed her... (she is currently enjoying the time of her life in US by the way)

It was in that letter that i met the One who prompted her to write it in the first place... n i started to weep. (ooo..how emotional this ipik is..)
Never give up!!! is the message, and currently battling with some inner issues in my life, He is encouraging me to focus on WHO i am becoming rather than what i am becoming...

I guess, the sunday afternoon was pretty different.

Forever 21...

I am not going to give any mysterious intro here.....let's hit the point...today is my birthday and i'm turning 21...



The purpose of the blog is simply to capture those crucial 24 hours of my first day stepping into the realm of a young adult.



The night started at 10 am 17 july 2008, Sheares Hall, when my IC costume rushed us out of the seminar room promising that she would treat us to Fong Seng (an eating place..). Her jittery actions seemed to give lemon (another bday gal) and i a hint that she was up to something.. , Poh ling was accidentally standing in front of the lift trying to tell the IC that we were not supposed to come back so early and yet, we have already arrived...***no turning back now in their plan..



The electric contact from their eyes as they met each others' was caught by me and i quickly concluded that they have something in store...(oohh.. my cute lil' hallmates)..i acted obediently (meaning keep quiet buat tak tau)..not wanting to destroy the plan they had built together..



As we waited in lemon's room, a knock was heard which to my real surprise, Elin showed up...ohh..she looked so lovely after the hols...and even lovelier is the *Birthday Cake* she was holding..(too bad i don have camera to show the pic)

with fruits topping and strawberry cream covering.. simply yummy!!! not forgetting the pizzas they served...which was enuf to make us sit inside a tiny room with 3 people on the bed, one on a chair, another on a small box, and lastly on the floor for the next two hours trying to dig stories and more stories. (For privacy purpose, those are not going to be discussed in this blog..if i am kind enuf, perhaps in my later stories)



The night went on with my sis calling me to wish happy bday and my frens singing me the infamous happy bday song..(phew...it lasted less than 10 seconds j/k)....oh yeahhhh POh Ling got me a present... it was Pantene hair moisturizer..she is soooo sweet haha actually it was for coloured hair but since she is so genuine, i will spray it on my naturally black hair...



It was around 1 + when elin wanted to go back and there was the kind yee mun who wanted to walk her back ALONE..reasoning that she will jog after that (**me frowning**). Mind u people, it was 1++ in the morning...

So, i was about to send them off just until level 1, little did i know, i let myself be persuaded by the soon-to-be lawyer a.k.a yee mun to accompany both of them...

I enjoyed the night walk..correction..the early morning walk with her..haha..she is one funny girl....



***to be continued



Today is 18 July 2008, and the sun seemed to shine brighter than ever. I remembered reading an article from Time magazine just a few days ago about a man who celebrates the same birthday as I do,he is.. Nelson Mandela. (wow..this gal is trying to boast something here haha..)



The day was monotonous until late in the evening when my frens and i were to celebrate the same July babies birthdays..there were 5 of us.

As we reached suntec city, we were blindfolded and made our grandest ever parade in the mall, being led to some place where the real game shall begun. The journey was terribly long... it was long enough to make me think and realize something.



During the walk with my eyes blindfolded, i was literally scared that i was going to bump into just anything. I could not see a thing and in my mind, i pictured there were chairs, poles, woods and hard objects ready to hit me. Ci Ninin was beside me to lead and all the while she kept on saying there was nothing and keep walking. At times when there was barrier, she would remind me, when we were to take the escalators, she would stop me and guide me, when we were about to cross a small water fountain, she and other non-blindfolded frens were there to hold my hands and instructed me. Until we arrived at the right destination that our blindfolds were taken off.



It kinda made me think about my walk with God. Times and times, I couldn't see whats ahead of me, and i spent my time worrying, thinking about the scarry future if i happened to stumble at something, fearful of what life has to offer. Forgetting that He who walks beside me, sees everything and better, he controls everything. Even the Bible says, that all things shall turn out good for those who love Him. My next few walks were less scarry as i pondered upon it. My squeezing ci Ninin's hand got more relaxed.



Anyways, we were made to pick out 10 m&ms from a plate covered with flour using only our faces. Eugghh...snowman look in summer!!!

next task, is to drink a potion by miss Pris...the ingredients are (**drumroll please): herbal medicine + chilli + lemongrass+ lime juice= disgusting smell and taste.



Last task: we were to go to a place which was lit up by candles marking our initials and there were as many as 20 candles, in which we have to blow with each wish for each candle blown.....woooooowww... this is the year when i can make more than one wish during my bday... so grateful.



Lastly, the presentsssssssss....hmmm should have taken pic with it..i have a top, a belt, a choc bar and a jar filled with bday messages from my frenssssssssss........man..i so can feel the love...love..love.. and lastly, yen bin got me a gift too...didnt expect it yet, (he forgot to take off the priceeeeee!!!!) Haizzz...understood old man!! Still grateful though....

Pluss..plus.. Clara got me a book!!!!!!!! hahahah.... clever gal..it is a book by Joyce Meyer.. hmm a hint here for all readers out there..book is my favvvvvv.. present...u can get me a book and ill remember u for the rest of my life...hahahhahah..



Thanksss everyone who makes my bday sooooooooo specialll really....



ACKNOWLEDGEMENT TO DEAR GOD, MOM&DAD, ALL SIBLINGS, ALL FRENZ.

It is indeed a memorable one for me..making me to think perhaps the owner of forever 21 had a memorable birthday like mine....awesome!! (i should be a more loyal customer of forever 21 **bargain corner**)

U

I wanna tail U
even 5 min of not seeing u close
i run to U..be it
kitchen, front stage or toilet

U have taught me
and get me addicted..
i am amazed...simply amazed
by your nature, my words fall short

but to whom shall I go,
U planned and I worry
i let go and rest...
is what U take pride in

I just want U..
one day is enough
for U are more precious..
beloved

U promised to change my heart
time passes and i shall claim
it's to Ur desire
to see it that way
for I am always in Ur heart

Him...

People used to say, the more often you encountered something or the more experience you have regarding things in life, the more you will get used to it.

I say, that only happens to certain things..not all.

My experiences of travelling away from home since i was 12 do not seem to give me extra advantage over those who started later in life. The same sickening feeling of travelling alone and confusing inner voices have never failed to follow faithfully. This is the time when walls are drawn up, shields are lifted, eyes are on guard and sigh is heard. It's gonna be ok...is the most well-practised verse over the entire period before the mood subdued.

Just when i thought i was all alone in spite of the multitudes, He is near. He just have His way. I don't know...but He knows and that is enough for me. No..no..the above paragraphs are mere example, He always pops up into my life. I say pops up not because of His nature to do so, but i have not been noticing Him closely. He is always there.......

God, when u read this from heaven, i want you to know that this is my first time writing out the secret we have. I have never done this before and do not know whether i will be doing it again...perhaps more privately.

But God i just wanna tell you, make me more sensitive every time You come by.

hugs and love,
your daughter (**chuckle**)

two worlds

While the hen lay eggs and wander around,
the chick is craving for worms,
when the sun shines and the cock cookoo,
it is heaviness and bones coming into sensation

When the afternoon strikes twelve,
the mind still obeys; how lovely,
soon the called evening arrives and
there wandering it goes..

though night strikes,
and the lips desired to scream,
yet, there it abstains
for just another day.

step into His boat...

Coming back from cell group didn't always give you the roller-coaster-on-top-of-the-world feeling. Those lonely strolls at night from bus-stop towards my room can surely confirm this. Most of the time, I caught myself ....thinking...... thinking hard. It is indeed one of my fav. way of killing time.

Often I wonder whether things are really in order. For one thing, most of the time, i heard some points from a sermon which will only lead me to using them as reasons and valid premises for arguments ready to question my leader on things she preached especially upon dealing with issues in my life. Of coz i never did. Simply because most of the time, it is easier to just be quiet and wait...and simply forget. But then again, the cycle repeats itself.

That night, my leader shared about God's presence. It was indeed not a new topic to me. After all as Christians we all desire His presence in our lives.

Frankly speaking, I couldn't remember much of what happened during the meeting. All i could recall was that as I crept to my bed that night, I asked one thing from God and that is for Him to enlarge my capacity...my territory. This isn't the first time I asked, mind you. But then, there's a reason behind me asking Him that night. He got me thinking about serving in His house.

I was pondering about next semester of where to stay and if I dont have the chance to stay in Hall, i gotta stay outside. That means i have to spend more money every month. I realized though, despite all this, I dont have to struggle time-wise; meaning i dont have to commit to CCA. Call me crazy or i-will-never-understand-you-kind of person, but in spite of all the hustle brought by CCA, i actually find it kinda a waste not to be able to participate. To me (though nobody acknowledges) is a training ground for future endeavour. I am not a typical Singaporean who can do multiple things at one time and giving 100% of efforts at the same time. I have never in life is faced with demand of doing more than perhaps 2 things in life: study and church ok..let's make it three: shopping. Hence, when this season of life comes, i am overwhelmed.

My commitment to church, it appears to drop. I have no clue of whatsoever a standard... but that night...

***oh no...i wrote it like few months back and now have completely no clue on what's that very important thing that happened..man...shud have finished it ...lemme post this as a reminder next time tat i should never procrastinate!! Gosh!**